by Ed Kenyon of The Register-Guard
Many parents today have to learn how to become good parents because they don’t have models to pattern themselves after, says a Eugene research psychologist.
That’s where Jerry Patterson, who opened a two-day “parenting” conference Monday in Eugene, often enters the picture.
Patterson is part of a 10-year-old Oregon Research Institute study into one of the products of ineffective parenthood–the over-aggressive “problem” child.
Patterson said there are more such problem children now because parents aren’t living in the extended family of yesteryear–where grandparents or aunts or uncles could serve as examples of parenting.
Patterson told his audience of parents, teachers, counselors and students, that such children invariably are products of aggressive families.
Observers who go into homes to watch interaction between family members have noted an average of one aggressive episode a minute, Patterson said. This doesn’t necessarily mean physical aggression, he said, but rather such things as nagging, teasing and crying.
As a beginning, Patterson and his associates usually suggest that parents stop the lecturing and nagging and extreme threats they’re invariably employing and begin to issue directives in very simple language and then see that they’re carried out.
It’s just common sense, but it’s a practice many parents today don’t follow, Patterson said.
Parents of aggressive children also have to be taught disciplining techniques before discipline, as often happens in such cases, turns into child abuse, Patterson said.
Patterson suggested the “time out” technique with younger children–when an incident occurs, the child is required to spend some time sitting in isolation in another location–like a bathroom. Before the parent places the child in the isolation room, it’s a good idea to child-proof the room, Patterson said.
For older children, Patterson suggested a “work detail” technique of assigning an extra duty. The job should be done “right now,” Patterson said, and the parent should see it is carried out. The work, he said, should be in addition to regular chores, which Patterson said he believes all children should have.
Reprinted with permission. Copyright 1977, The Register-Guard, www.registerguard.com.